


Cuddles and Angst

by clearmind_clearheart



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, DGMBB2018, DGMbigbang2018, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Other, friendship is the most important thing in a crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 00:11:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15919047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clearmind_clearheart/pseuds/clearmind_clearheart
Summary: Friendship isn't true without late night text messages and crises. But what can you do when your friend is broken, facing lies and broken promises that had shaped his childhood but were no longer true?OT4-friendship in a crisis. DGM Big Bang 2018 submission.





	Cuddles and Angst

**Author's Note:**

> This is only part of my DGM Big Bang 2018 Submission, and I am trying to get the rest done soon.  
> At the end of the first chapter please find the information and link for the art creating by my Big Bang Partner, DarlingGrim!!
> 
> Find her at: http://darlinggrim.tumblr.com/

Chapter 1: And the Angst Comes to the Door 

* * *

 

8*8*8*

_A knock on the door in the dead of night, a distraught visitor: Lavi knew this wasn’t going to be good news when he saw Neah’s face, but he didn’t expect this._

_“Days, what do you mean days?!” Lavi demanded. “He hasn’t been home since Tuesday night.” Neah explained, exhausted, leaning on the door frame as if it is the only thing keeping him from the floor._

_“He’s a grown ass adult, he can disappear for a few days.” Kanda commented from the kitchen doorway, hovering protectively behind Lavi (though he would deny this protective instinct if anyone dared point it out)_

_“No, he’s not okay,” Neah vehemently argued, taking a halting step over the door frame, “He’s not okay, I thought he would come here, Cross says it is his safe space, he should have come here, he’s not in the right state of mind.”_

_Realizing that the older man was becoming panicked, Lavi grabbed his shoulder, meeting his eyes, “Neah, you need to explain.”_

_“I was keeping something from Allen, and he found out, and we fought, and now he’s gone, and, and I thought he was just blowing off steam, or-”_

_“What was it?” The sharp question from the usually stoic young man halted Neah’s words, and all parties paused, waiting anxiously for the answer._

_“His father.” The answer was almost a whisper, but that one word was enough to catch all three friend’s attention._

_Even as Neah started to explain, they couldn’t help but worry if their friend would ever be the same._

 

*8*8*8*

__________

It wasn’t the buzzing of Lavi’s phone that woke him.

Surprisingly, or maybe not surprisingly considering the number of times this had happened, it was the stillness after the vibration of the phone that drew Lavi from his dreams. Rolling over, he blindly reached for his phone on the bedside table, knocking something off, probably his book, but it didn’t matter when he saw the name flashing on the screen.

“Allen!” propping himself on his elbow Lavi quickly swiped at his screen, swearing as his shaking hands tripped the wrong keys and locked the phone twice more before he was able to bring up the main screen.

Clicking the notification, the red head brought the phone up to his ear, desperate not to miss this call.

“Al, Allen,” He started, only to be jolted as the phone vibrated again. Confused Lavi lowered the phone to note that it wasn’t a phone call, but a series of text messages.

Taking a breath and letting it out heavily he sat up and waited a moment for his hands to stop shaking before he clicked the messaging app.

_Hey Lavi_

_You awake?_

_Please tell me you’re awake_

_Sorry, I know it’s late_

_never mind..._

Late? A quick glance at the clock showed that it was rather early in the morning, a bit after 2 am.

_Its k Al, whatchu need?_

Lavi texted back, pushing the covers off with his feet as he rolled himself to the edge of his bed. Goosebumps rose on his torso as he sat up, and he made a quick grab for the hoodie tossed on his desk chair, struggling to pull the sweater on correctly in the dark.

He expected to see a response by the time he got the sweater sorted out, but when he reflexively unlocked his phone there was just a ‘…’ - that was supposed to mean the other party was typing a response, right? But Allen couldn’t have been writing that long of a text so why was it taking so long?

It had been two days since Neah came to their apartment and announced that Allen had run away. It had been torture, holding back from messaging their white haired friend, but anytime Lenalee or Lavi mentioned it, Kanda had the same reaction;

_“Moyashi knows where we are, he’ll come when he needs us.”_

Lavi had argued then, had pointed out that Allen wasn’t the type to depend on others, but Kanda was stalwart in his opinion.

_Are you okay, where are you, do you need help?_

Lavi typed out quickly as the … refused to fade from the phone screen.

But he couldn’t press send, not with Kanda’s warning echoing in his head.

_“Give him space, he’ll come when he’s ready.”_

Lavi couldn’t act as nonchalant as Kanda though- this wasn’t a normal situation.

Still, his finger hovered over the send button.

If he had just found out his father was alive, would he be able to respond to such frantic worry? Or would he shut it out, unable to handle another’s distress on top of his own.

No, Lavi knew how Allen would feel, how he would respond.

Backspacing quickly, Lavi typed out a short message.

_Did you forget your key? Lol. I’ll let you in._

The quick text Lavi sent reset the screen so he waited a moment, hovering at the edge of his bed, absentmindedly snagging his eyepatch off the bedside table and slipping it on.

> _Was Allen okay? Was he sitting in a park somewhere, cold, biting his tongue as he scolded himself for waking his friend from his slumber. Was he worrying over the buttons, letting his text messages load and reload, beginning to type out a response before locking the phone and turning it over, determined to take care of this himself. Was he in pain? Did he get jumped? Maybe he really was at the front door, spare key forgotten, waiting to be let in._

It was a long moment before the read receipt blinked on the screen and the red head took a careful breath, not realizing how tense he was making himself as his thoughts ran to fill the silence of waiting.

Still watching the screen Lavi padded over to the door of his room, carefully following the edge of his bed with his free hand in the hopes of not stubbing his toe this time. True, they had only lived in that apartment for three months or so, but Lavi made sure to set his bedroom up as similar to his one with gramps as he could so he wouldn’t have to relearn the layout.

Tossing open his door Lavi blindly felt along the wall until he could flip the switch to his room, letting some light out into the hallway. Not that he needed the extra light, but might as well put some lights on, since the sun wouldn’t be rising for a bit still. And he kind of needed light to find his keys.

His one eye lit up as the ‘…’ finally appeared back on his phone screen and Lavi paused in the middle of the hallway, waiting for the text to come through. But just as quick as it had appeared, it disappeared again.

“Shit.” The red head continued down the hallway, typing out another quick message as he reached the kitchen.

_Where are you? Do I need to come get you?_

This time he couldn’t hold back from sending his frantic message- why wasn’t Allen responding?

_It’s fine, I’m fine, don’t worry about me._

Was the quick response, but Lavi was unconvinced, of course.

_I can meet you halfway if you’re locked out, I could use a walk anyway._

Trying to sound reassuring even through text the red head searched the junk bowl for his keys, buried under all the wallets and other sets of keys.

A clatter reached his ears and Lavi froze, sure he hadn’t knocked anything over; in the sudden silence, he was able to make out a noise from outside the front door.

Taking quick steps across the kitchen Lavi slid up to the door, ears perked and straining for any kind of noise. They really should put an eye thing on the door, this mystery was- wait, there, _was that a groan_?

Fumbling the phone in his hand Lavi quickly turned the deadbolt with one hand and the doorknob with the other, pulling the door open.

In the emptiness of the hallway, the clatter of Lavi’s phone as it hit the floor was deafening, but he wasn’t concerned with that right now.

Huddled on the floor by the door, arm wrapped around his waist as if he was holding his insides in, was Allen. But more disturbing than the dirt and blood on his clothes, or the way his head lolled about on his shoulders, was the fact that he didn’t even seem to register that Lavi was there, that he was so caught up in his own mind that that sudden appearance of light and company didn’t even make him flinch or otherwise move in some gesture to show he was aware. He was lost inside his own mind. How far gone was he that the darkness seemed to cling closer to him, rather than be chased away by the light flooding from the apartment.

Hitting the light to the inner hallway Lavi was able to make out Allen’s injuries, mainly the rather nasty cut across his swollen cheek that looked like someone with a ring on had got him good.

“Shit, Allen.” Lavi quickly crouched down beside his friend, hand rising to his swollen cheek, hesitant to touch him. “What happened?”

The younger boy rolled his head to the side, bleary silver eyes connecting with green for a moment, no recognition, no…anything in that gaze.

Allen’s gaze drifted away with a slow blink, not even seeming to register the question.

“Let’s get you inside.” Lavi tried to keep his voice gentle, calm, but he was glancing up and down the hallway outside the apartment as if he expected whomever had hurt his friend to come jumping out of the shadows, intent on doing more damage to the teenager.

Seeing no one he turned his attention to moving Allen inside.

Carefully Lavi slipped a hand between the wall and the younger teens shoulders, abruptly halting his movements as Allen tensed up, a groan of pain slipping past his lips.

“Allen, where else are you hurt?” Lavi demanded, not daring to move in case he made it worse again.

“Ribs.” Allen grunted out between gritted teeth.

“Shit.” The swear slipped past even as Lavi pulled back, running possible scenarios and options through his head.

He might be able to get Allen up and to the couch at least, but he wasn’t exactly strong, (and he still wasn’t quite used to the lack of depth perception on his right side).

He needed Kanda’s help to get the younger boy inside, especially if he had a fractured or broken rib.

An ice pack, he needed an ice pack. And bandages. Long bandages like those Kanda used for wrapping his wrists during kendo training.

There had to be some extra ones, probably in the bathroom the two boys shared. Those could be used to stabilize ribs, right?

“Just, I’ll be right back Allen, let me get some stuff, okay, I’ll be right back” Lavi assured the younger boy, waiting a moment for some kind of acknowledgment from the other, holding back a relieved sigh when he received a tense nod, before swiftly getting to his feet.

The smell of alcohol hung heavy on Allen’s breath, but unlike the wounds of a bar fight there didn’t seem to be cuts from broken bottles. All things considered, the younger looked more like he had been jumped on the way home from the bar.

How he even got in a bar Lavi had stopped questioning ages ago-the 18 year old had picked up a lot of things in his time with Cross, and asking about them never led to a satisfied answer.

Thinking all this Lavi moved down the hall to the bathroom adjoining his room, swift footsteps echoing in the quiet of the night.

Dropping to his knees on the cold tile, Lavi wrenched open the cabinet, repositioning the toilet paper and barber tools until he could see the first aid items Kanda had thrown in the back.

Leaning forward on his knees Lavi blindly reached back into the cabinet, his elbow knocking against some of the rolls, until with a triumphant sound he drew out the white first aid tin.

The last thing the red head expected was for the tin to slip from his fingers as he straightened up. The crash as it hit the tile floor was deafening, and Lavi flinched back away from the clatter of first aid items spilling across the floor from the knocked over tin.

How did- His hands were shaking. Leaning back on his heels Lavi stared down at his hands, turning them over to watch his fingers tremble. No wonder he couldn’t keep a hold on the tin.

He had never seen Allen look this bad before. Sure, he had come by a few times looking a little less for wear, but this, this was bad. Lavi couldn’t trust his own observations because he swore the younger teen wasn’t hurt that badly, but from his face and his reactions, the red head couldn’t be sure. He looked so broken. What had happened to his beansprout?

The red head barely held back a shriek as the connecting door was wrenched open. As his heart pounded a fast rhythm to escape his chest, his roommates steely glare settled on him with its normal heat only slightly tapered by sleep with an added bit of amusement when he took in the image of Lavi clutching a roll of toilet paper to his chest like it was a shield between him and the monster at the door.

“The fuck was that noise?” Kanda grumbled, as elegant as ever even in his tired state. Lavi wasn’t sure if he needed to answer as Kanda glanced over the bathroom, eyeing the still rolling bottle of antiseptic and the overturned first aid kit.

“You are fucking hopeless.” Was the answering mutter as Kanda leant down and began gathering together the spilled supplies. Figuring that was as much as an answer the taller boy was going to need, Lavi continued his scavenging mission. He knew he had seen some bandages in here somewhere…

“What are you looking for?” the older boys dark gaze settled on the red head, seemingly trying to pick out an answer from his actions alone.

“Bandages, long ones, to wrap a torso.” Was the quick explanation.

“Those are up here baka.” Gracefully getting to his feet Kanda popped open the mirror cabinet, tossing a roll of bandages at Lavi.

Fumbling the red head barely managed to keep a hold on it, staring down at the item. He hadn’t given himself time to consider it, but, what if Allen was too hurt and needed to go to the hospital and doing all this home first aid only made things worse?

A sharp pain laced through his chest and the red head curled over the items in his hands, breaths stuttering in his lungs. Head pounding to match his heightened heartbeat, he could feel sweat sticking his sweatshirt to his back, reflexively swallowing but nothing was happening.

He was descending into an anxiety attack; this had to stop, he couldn’t let his anxiety derail him right now. He knew how to control his breathing. He would control his breathing. He had to stay calm, for Allen.

“Oi, idiot.” A rap to the back of the head drew Lavi’s gaze upwards to meet a cool sapphire.

“Get a grip Lavi.” Kanda said evenly, studying his friend with his usual masked indifference.

“Get a grip,” Lavi took the words to heart, forcing a deep breath. What was that anxiety trick Lenalee had taught him? Breath in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. Repeating this to himself, it took a few moments, but luckily Kanda didn’t hit him again while he settled his anxiety. Unfortunately, the ponytailed teen had seen far too many of these attacks in the past few months. It almost made Lavi laugh as he saw a flash of Kanda’s alarmed face from the first time this happened- oh, good, he was getting his spirits back.

“Okay, got it,” he muttered, taking one more steadying breath before shifting the items in his arms to free a hand, pulling himself up by the edge of the counter with shaking hands.

“Wake up Lenalee, Allen needs her” Lavi tossed at the elder before exiting towards the front door.

-8-8-8-8*

It had been awhile since Kanda saw the rabbit like this.

The last time it had been nightmares about the accident that cost him his eye, but it was no surprise that Allen was the one who caused it this time. The beansprout had that effect on his friends; the less he told them, the more they worried.

Holding back a sigh Kanda snagged the last few items from the floor, dropping the whole mess on the sink to deal with later.

Crossing the small bathroom in two steps Kanda slipped out of his room and traversed the hall to Lenalee’s propped open door.

Pushing it open farther Kanda paused in the doorframe; Lenalee was bunched up under her blankets, dark hair fanned out around her head, partially covering her face in a way that made strands flutter with each breath.

It looked like she had been tossing and turning, so she probably wasn’t too far from awareness.

“Lenalee,” Kanda said lightly, knocking his knuckles against the door with a quick rap, “Lenalee, wake up.”

“Mmhh” Lenalee dug her face into her pillow with a moan “What is it?”

“Allen is here.” Kanda declared, and wasn’t surprised when the other girl sleepily rolled over, pulling up her sheets a bit in an inviting manner.

“Let him in.” she said sleepily fluttering the blanket to emphasize her point.

“Lenalee.” Kanda’s tone was enough to encourage younger girl to lift her head, squinting through the darkness at the door.

“What is it Kanda?” she asked softly, propping herself up on an elbow, absently brushing her hair from her face to get a clearer look at the other.

“Lavi’s freaking out.” Kanda said simply, pushing the door open farther and letting a bit more light in.

“He said Allen needs you.”

“Where?” she asked as she sat up properly now, pulling her hair back into a quick knot as she watched Kanda, gaze a bit more attentive now.

“At the door I think.” Kanda answered evenly, and Lenalee nodded in understanding. Pushing away her blankets Lenalee slid out of bed, Kanda stepping back as Lenalee swept out the door.

“Let’s go.” She said shortly, quick steps taking her down the hall to the still open front door.

When the two of them finally laid eyes on their youngest friend Kanda had to stop short to avoid walking into Lenalee.

“Allen,” she gasped, hand rising like it could hold back the sob rising in her throat or stem the tears in her eyes. It was one thing to know your friend was hurting, but another to be able to read all their pain on their face when they usually held so tightly to their mask.

She wanted to drop down beside him and throw her arms around him, but he looked so fragile, she wasn’t sure if her touch would make him worse.

8*8*8*

 

* * *

 

Interlude- this Story will be continued, soon. 

**Author's Note:**

> Art for this work created by the amazing DarlingGrim, who took my broken work and added emotion to it. Thank you!
> 
> http://darlinggrim.tumblr.com/
> 
> <http://darlinggrim.tumblr.com/post/177876329310/my-2-illust-for-the-dgm-big-bang-they-go>


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